


There’s a Traitor Here Beneath My Breast (and It Hurts me more than you’ve ever guessed)

by LenaraLanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Drinking to Cope, F/F, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaraLanvers/pseuds/LenaraLanvers
Summary: Lena has just come to terms with everything that has happened in the last year. The project she'd been tricked into working on with Lex had failed miserably. All she wanted to do was create a world where people were incapable of hurting each other, but in doing so she'd not only hurt herself, but she'd further driven away the only friends and family she'd ever truly had. She lost EVERYONE. and it was ALL her fault.Doing what she always does, Lena decides to dull the pain away with copious amounts of alcohol. But instead of drinking herself into oblivion, she finds her self on the floor in her empty home surrounded by broken glass and covered in her own blood, and face to face with the one person she wishes she could go back and fix things with.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor & Kelly Olsen, Samantha "Sam" Arias & Lena Luthor
Comments: 24
Kudos: 107





	1. Peace

**Author's Note:**

> ::::WARNING::::  
> This Chapter - and possibly others - contains graphic depictions of self harm and blood. I know that Self-Injury is a REAL thing and it is something that I am personally acquainted with. If such topics are painful for you to read, please do NOT continue reading this story! If you find yourself needing to talk to someone, reach out to me on Instagram! @LenaraLanvers

Changing the direction of your company is one thing. Re-naming it and reclaiming it as a force for GOOD is another. Regaining people’s trust after the rampage of destruction caused by her brother - and her mother - had proved to be more difficult than Lena thought it would be. In this new post-crisis world, however, the Luthor family was seen as heroic, they even worked alongside of the Kryptonians. 

No one apart from the “Paragons” knew of the true nature of Lex Luthor and his hatred of all things Alien - ESPECIALLY the kryptonians. Well, the paragons and Lena. Thanks to Lex’s deal with the monitor, Lena’s memories had been kept in tact. Meaning she remembered killing him and consequently learning that her Best friend was in fact Super Girl. 

Lena was no fool. She knew that Lex couldn’t be trusted. But on this new earth, he treated her with so much dignity and respect. So even after Kara had shown up to be sure she knew the truth about the new world - about HER - she couldn’t help but be pulled back to her brother. Kara landing on her balcony promising to treat her like any other villain didn’t make her decision any easier. But at least Lex had been warm and open with her. It wasn’t until her project failed miserably that Lex had shown her his true colors.

Once again, she was faced with the monster that hid beneath the skin of her once kind hearted brother. His words and his anger had sent her spiraling into a dark place that she hadn’t found herself in in many years. Normally when things got dark, she would call Kara. She had a way of making every situation seem ok, and was able to pull Lena out of even the darkest of Pits. But thanks to her decision to work with Lex, calling Kara was no longer an option.

She had no one. No friends, no family. She was painfully alone and she couldn’t deal with it any longer. Maybe it was the all of the scotch she’d had to drink or the fact that she hadn’t slept in 3 days, but Lena was in a downward spiral and she didn’t know if she could - or wanted to - pull herself out of it. Maybe she should just go to bed, things could be different tomorrow. She wasn’t naive enough to believe that really, but she was both physically and emotionally exhausted. Sleep would be a welcomed distraction.

Getting up from her place on the couch, she noticed just how much she’d had to drink. As if the several empty bottles weren’t enough of a clue, Lena found herself unable to steady herself and fell into the table, sending the emptied glass bottles to the floor. Even in her drunken state, she’d been able to register what was happening and put her hands out to catch herself, but even that proved useless when she fell directly onto the shattered remains of tonight’s bender.

Seeing the blood seeping from her arms and hands, Lena expected to be in a great deal of pain. Maybe it was the fact that she’d had too much to drink, but even as she watched the blood dripped steadily from her arms into the floor Lena felt nothing. This lack of physical pain from an obviously severe wound intrigued her. If only she could be so numb to the pain she felt watching her best friend call her a villain. Or her brother screaming in her face.

Lena stared at her arms much longer than any stable person should. When the blood began to clot around the wounds, she couldn’t help but feel a slight sense of sadness. This whole ordeal had been oddly therapeutic, and she wasn’t ready for it to stop just yet. Picking up a broken piece of glass beside her, she took a deep breath and drug it across the skin on her arm. Surprisingly, she was met with a not unwelcome pain as the shard tore through her already blood covered skin. Once the initial cut was made however, she felt little pain as she watched the blood flow freely. Interesting. One more time. Then once more. Then again and again and again, Lena began making shallow cuts into the skin on both of her arms. Each time the sensation was the same: controlled pain of her own making, then a numbing sensation - both mentally and physically - as she watched the blood drip to the floor. 

Maybe it was the loss of blood, or the fact that she STILL had enough alcohol in her system to render any normal person incapacitated, but Lena found herself more relaxed than she’d been in a long time. Dropping the piece of glass from her hand, she leaned back against the couch and took a deep breath. Peace. That’s what she felt. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that she had probably lost too much blood and that if she fell asleep she’d never wake up, but that’s was a small price to pay for the peace she felt in this moment. As her eyes began to close, she heard the once familiar sound of feet dropping down on her terrace floor. The last thing she saw was the terrified face of her former best friend and then everything was dark.


	2. Can you hear me screaming, "Please Don't Leave Me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::::Trigger Warning::::
> 
> Mentions of Self Harm, Blood, Gore, Implied attempted suicide.

Kara spent the evening as she usually did lately, patrolling. If she didn’t stay busy, she’d go crazy thinking about everything that had happened over the last few weeks. Crisis had changed her, it had changed EVERYONE. Most people were none the wiser, but as one of the paragons who fought and defeated the anti-monitor, Kara was plagued with the memories of being trapped with the other members of her team and watching as one by one every earth in the multiverse was destroyed, including watching helplessly as she yet again lost her mother on Argo City. She’d been forced to work with Lex of all people thanks to the Monitor Bringing him back to life after Lena had killed him. 

Lena. 

Of all the things that she wished she could go back and change for Earth Prime, telling Lena before Lex was definitely one of them. She tried; she really did. One of the first things she did after crisis was over was to go to Lena to tell her the truth. Little did she know that Lex had struck a deal with the monitor to make sure Lena still had her memories intact. Even after everything had happened, she still missed her best friend, especially on nights like this where she found herself struggling to get the images of crisis out of her head. Maybe she could still reach Lena, bring her back to the side of good. Sure she’d been working with Lex on some secret project, but Lena was GOOD. Nothing Lex could do would change Lena’s heart. Kara knew she’d made a mistake calling Lena a villain and threatening to stop her by any means necessary. There was no situation where Kara would EVER hurt Lena, when it came to her Kara was as much of a threat as a butterfly is to a Lion.

On any other night, Kara would have talked herself out of visiting Lena tonight. Showing up on someone’s doorstep – or balcony – in the middle of the night was reserved for friends and family, not former friends. But for some reason, Kara just couldn’t get Lena out of her mind; It wasn’t simply a case of missing her friend anymore. Something was pulling her to Lena, some sort of intuition. Like for some reason, Lena NEEDED Kara tonight. Since there was no imminent threat or any crime beyond what the local authorities could handle, Kara decided to pay Lena a visit. When she was only a few miles away, she noticed that Lena’s heartbeat sounded off, like she was having a bad dream or something – not quite panicked, but not relaxed either. It was enough to make Kara fly faster to make sure Lena wasn’t hurt. The closer she got to Lena, though, the slower her heart beat. By the time she reached the penthouse balcony – which had always stayed open despite the state of their friendship – Lena’s heart was barely beating. Kara only had seconds to take in the sight before her before she jumped into action.

Lena was in the floor, surrounded by broken glass and badly bleeding – her arms in cuts of varying depths. Kara’s senses were overwhelmed with the smell of Lena’s blood and all of the alcohol that had both been consumed and spilled out onto the floor. Kara knew that if she didn’t act quickly, Lena would be dead. She rant to her side just as Lena’s eyes drifted shut. Kara grabbed the blanket from the couch behind her and tore it into shreds using her super speed to quickly wrap the strips around Lena’s arms in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. Then she gently lifted her lifeless body into her arms and flew out the way she came.

“ALEX! It’s Lena! Get a med team ready! I’m coming in hot!”

Before Alex had a chance to respond, Kara was touching down at the DEO, her suit covered in Lena’s blood and her face wet with her own tears. She ran as fast as her Kryptonian legs would carry her to the med bay. Alex had barely made it there herself.

“Kara what the hell?!?” Alex got to work quickly cleaning off a table and helping Kara lay Lena down gently. She could see the blood seeping through the makeshift bandages.

“I found her like this! I think she must have been drinking and fell or something! You have to help her, Alex! She can’t die! I cant lose her!”

Alex shot Kara a knowing look and went to work quickly cutting away the strips of blanket now soaked with blood. Now that she was able to see the extent of Lena’s injuries, she knew all to well what had happened.

“Kara there are so many cuts. I don’t know if I can close them all fast enough to stop the bleeding!”

No, Kara was not going to take that. There HAD to be away to get the bleeding to stop quickly.

“MOVE!”

Kara jumped into action and quickly used her freeze breath on Lena’s arms, constricting the blood vessels and helping the blood to clot. This wasn’t a permanent fix, but it should buy Alex enough time to stitch up Lena’s wounds. Alex grabbed as many suture kits as she could carry and got to work.

“Kara, I need help. Go get Kelly! She’s at work. She’ll know how to help me!”

Truth be told, Alex was more than capable of doing this on her own. She just couldn’t take Kara’s heartbroken eyes and muffled sobs while she worked. Not only that, but if Alex’s hunch was right, she was going to need Kelly. There was no way that ALL of these cuts came from falling into shattered glass. The surface cuts, maybe. But the ones that were bleeding the most HAD to have been done by Lena. She didn’t have the heart to tell Kara as much though.

Within 10 minutes, Kara was back with Kelly who looked like she was about to be sick. Obviously Kara had just grabbed her and flown back to the DEO.

“Alex?” 

The two women shared a knowing look. Neither of them looked at Kara who was standing beside Lena, gently brushing the hair from her face saying “Please don’t die, Lena. I love you please don’t die!” Over and over.

Kelly ripped open a suture kit and started helping Alex close the deepest cuts first before moving on to the others. When they were done, they’d counted 7 deep wounds and 15 shallow ones. That didn’t count the other surface wounds that were already scabbing over on their own.

Kelly placed a hand on Kara’s shoulder.

“She needs blood, Kara. We have to get her some blood, quickly. There’s a blood bank two floors down. Grab as many bags of Type O as you can carry! Carefully Kara! Move quickly, but no superspeed!”

Kara nodded and sped off. Kelly didn’t say she couldn’t use her super speed to GET to the blood bank. 

“Alex…” Kelly’s voice was calm, but obviously full of concern. “What happened?”

Kelly took Kara’s place at the head of the bed as Alex told her Kara’s version of events along with her theory that there was more to the story than Kara was telling her – or that she herself was aware of – while she started a transfusion line so that it would be ready when Kara returned with the blood.

“I think you’re right. I don’t think, this came just from a fall into broken glass.” The two women nodded in silent agreement. 

“What are we going to tell Kara? If she finds out that Lena tried to…” Alex paused, not willing to put into words what she and Kelly were both thinking. “She’s going to blame herself.”

“Nothing.” Kelly said as she took Alex’s hand into her own. “We aren’t going to say anything. Consider it Doctor Patient confidentiality. If Lena wants Kara to know what happened, she’ll tell her. Until then, we just do everything we can to make sure she gets the opportunity.”

“Did I get enough?”

Just as Kelly finished speaking, Kara came back into the room carrying at least a dozen bags of blood in a big belly burger to go bag. Alex walked over to her sister and took the bag from her hands and got to work. Kelly wrapped her arms around Kara and gave her a gentle hug.

“You got plenty. Now come sit down while Alex works.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope to add a chapter to this story once or twice a week.


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